The Three Little Pigs as Drug Dealers
by julialover
Summary: This is pretty much a twist/parody on this classic fairytale. I used the Disney version instead of the Grim's version.


_**NOTE: I will admit that I got this idea from my teacher, but I couldn't help myself and decided to write this Disney version with a twist. PLEASE EXCUSE MY TERRIBLE GRAMMER. Also excuse the language, and I'm sorry about the horrible rhyme in this story. **_

PIG 1 (Pot dealer) - (singing) _"I built my house of straw; I grow my plant of weed. I tute my flute, and don't give a hute, for I smoke this shit all day" (Dancing with a pack of joints in his pocket)_

PIG 2 (Cocaine dealer) - (singing) "_I built my house of sticks; I ain't got no time for pricks. With a hay diddle diddle and no fuck to fiddle, I sell my shit all day" _

PIG 3 (Heroine dealer) – (singing) _"I built my house of stones; I hide my drugs all day. I take no chance, to sing and dance, for I'm sacred of the DEA"_

Pig 1 and Pig 2, finishing making their houses, flute happily high on drugs to Pig 3.

Pig 1 and Pig 2 (making fun of Pig 3) - (singing with the tune of "Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf") _"He don't take some time play, smoke a jay, or lay all day" "All he does is work all day" _(Fa la la la la la)

Pig 3 – (singing) _"You can play and laugh and smoke, don't think you can make me cope. I'll be safe and you'll be sorry, when the DEA comes through your door."_

Pig 1 and Pig 2 – (laughing hysterically and then singing) _"Who's afraid of the DEA, the DEA, the DEA. Who's afraid of the DEA" (Fa la la la la la)_

Both Pig 1 and Pig 2 suddenly see the president of the DEA (the Wolf), who not only hears these pigs but also smells drugs on them. Licking his lips with hunger in catching these drug dealers, he chases them until both the pigs lock themselves in their houses. The DEA (Wolf) then decides to confront the first pig whose house was made out of straw.

DEA (Wolf) – "Open the door you dealer. I can smell you're weed!"

Pig 1: (Scared) – "Not by the hair of my chinney chin chin you ugly wolf!"

DEA (Wolf) – "Then I'll huff and I'll Puff and I'll blow you house down."

The DEA (Wolf) did what he said and blew the first Pig's house down. The Pig then ran to his cocaine dealer's brother's house. The DEA (Wolf) chased him there but was not quick enough to catch him. The DEA (Wolf) realized he couldn't get in the second's Pigs home so he pretended like he gave up. The two pigs heard this, and sang in relief.

Pigs 1 and 2- (singing)_ "Who's afraid of the DEA, the DEA, the DEA. Who's afra" - _then came another knock at the door- "Who's there?" (Trembling)

DEA (Wolf) – "I'm a poor little sheep, with no place to sleep. Please open the door and let me in."

Pig 1 and 2 – "Not by the hair of my chinney chin chin, you can't fool us with that stupid skin!"

The DEA (Wolf) – (in rage) "THEN I'LL HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND I WILL BLOW YOU'RE HOUSE IN!"

And so the DEA (Wolf) blew the house down but the both the Pigs ran to their brother's house before the DEA (Wolf) could catch them.

Pig 3 – (singing) _"See, I told you about the DEA, now you're drugs are taken away"_

After realizing their mistakes about their houses, Pig 1 and Pig 2 sang in merry that they are perfectly safe in their brother's home.

Pig 1 and 2 – (singing) _"Who's afraid of the DEA, the DEA, the DEA. Who's afraid of the"_- There was a knock at the door and both Pig 1 and 2 flung themselves underneath the bed. Pig 3 though walked over to the door in confidence knowing that he will be safe.

Pig 3 – "Who's there?"

DEA (Wolf) – "I am the brush man. I am selling brushes."

The third took the brush quickly and said thank you but the DEA (Wolf) tried to grab a hold of the pig but was too late. Furious again, the DEA (Wolf) decided to blow the house down but when he tried, he failed and when he tried again, he failed. The DEA (Wolf) then saw a chimney and decided to go down the chimney in the house. The third pig though, being cleverer than the governmental force, boiled a huge pot of hot water. The DEA (Wolf) slid down the chimney but burned himself so bad that he yelped and crawled out the chimney and ran home. The three Pigs (drug dealers) were so happy that they didn't get caught that they sang their merry little tune over again and lived happily ever after.


End file.
